


My crazy life 6

by NordicPossession



Series: Humor [6]
Category: Buzz Lightyear of Star Command (Cartoon), OP - Fandom, The Mummy: The Animated Series, Transformers: Prime, WALL-E (2008)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:47:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22408180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NordicPossession/pseuds/NordicPossession
Relationships: Friends - Relationship
Series: Humor [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607026





	My crazy life 6

**Maul:** “Anybody see today's paper?”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “Why? What's up?”  
 **Maul:** “I'm in it. “Large male seeks any woman.” It's in the Metro section.”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “Let me see.”  
 **Maul:** “Here you are.” _*hands Nos the newspaper.*_  
 **Maul:** “Do you see who's at the other end of those handcuffs?”  
 **Imhotep:** “My God. Lockdown.”  
 **Megatron:** “Look, Nos, your friend, Lockdown.”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “You arrested Lockdown? My Lockdown?”  
 **Maul:** “Technically, now the State of New York's Lockdown.”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “I've known this guy for 15 years. Since when is it a crime to sell merchandise at far below wholesale prices?” **Maul:** “You should've seen his warehouse. Fake designer luggage, imitation jewelry, "Macin-tush" computers.”  
 **Eve 4:** “Hey, wait a minute. Didn't you buy my engagement ring from Lockdown?”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “Relax. He assured me it's a one-of-a-kind, flawless diamond.”  
 **Maul:** “That's a fake.”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “It's a fake? How do you know that's a fake?”  
 **Maul:** “Because I have 300 more exactly like them down at the station.”  
 **Eve 4:** “I want another ring, Nos.”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “You lived 15 years with that one, you can live another 50.”  
 **Eve 4:** “I don't think so, Nos. I'm going shopping. You'll be amazed at your generosity.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Oh, my God.”  
 **Maul:** “What?”  
 **Imhotep:** “Luba’s ring is from Lockdown, too.”  
 **Maul:** “You went to Lockdown?”  
 **Imhotep:** “I listened to Nos. I was just trying to get more for my money. I wanted to get Luba a ring that she could show her mother. And Lockdown threw in a set of golf clubs with it.”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “I got snow tires!”  
 **Imhotep:** “What did I do!? I can't have Luba think I didn't care enough about her to go to a real jeweler!! She's wearing glass!!!”   
**Maul:** “It's not glass. It’s plastic. Just really well made so that it is hard to tell that it is plastic.”  
 **Imhotep:** “I gotta do what's right. I gotta replace her plastic stone with another one. A real one. I'll spend $1,000 if I have to, $2,000 even!!”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “$2,000 for a diamond?Hey, I know another guy......”  
 **Imhotep:** “No more guys!”  
 **Maul:** “You're just gonna have to tell your wife you purchased her a fake engagement ring from a thieving crook.”  
 **Imhotep:** “I can't let her find out!! She's going to think I'm a slime-ball!!! I'll have to steal it from her.”  
 _*a little while later.*_  
 **Imhotep:** “I got your valentine right here. I love you.” _*hugs me and kisses me.*_  
 **me:** “I love you? A little wine with lunch?”  
 **Imhotep:** “Well, tomorrow's Valentine's Day. I want to make it special.”  
 **Me:** “Blee, did you know that Imhotep asked me to marry him on Valentine's Day? What did you say?”  
 **Imhotep:** “Well, I thought about it, but I said "yes" anyway.”  
 **Me:** “I love Imhotep very much.”  
 **Imhotep:** “And I love Luba very much.”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** _*comes into the house.*_ “Hey.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Hey.”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “Let me help you with that.”  
 **Imhotep:** “What are you doing here?”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “Did you get the ring yet?”  
 **Imhotep:** “No. She never takes it off. I'm going to need a bone saw. Just don't say anything, all right? Nothing.”  
 **Nos-4-a2:** “Yeah, it's all about you, Imhotep.”  
 **Megatron:** _*comes into the house.*_ “Luba, I have to ask your advice on something.”  
 **Me:** “Sure, Megatron.”  
 **Megatron:** “I've been out with Arachnid on four dates now. Am I obligated to get her something for Valentine's Day?”  
 **me:** “Well, if it helps you, she's getting you something.”  
 **Megatron:** “That doesn't help me. No. You know what her favorite color is?”  
 **me:** “Green, I think.”  
 **Megatron:** “Green? Good. What does she weigh?”  
 **me:** “I don't know. But you know what? Most women like jewelry.”  
 **Maul:** _*comes into the house.*_ “Yeah, jewelry's a great gift. Isn't it, Imhotep? You really can't go wrong with jewelry.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Megatron, let's get some envelopes for these.” _*whirls around on Maul.*_ “What are you talking about jewelry for!?”  
 **Maul:** “Luba brought it up!”  
 **Imhotep:** “Luba. Honey. Have you been gaining weight? You want to play Kylo Ren in the Starkiller?”   
**Me:** “Okay. But I get to be Kylo Ren this time.”  
 _*the next morning.*_  
 **me:** “Good morning.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Morning.”  
 **Me:** “Hey, that was fun last night.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Yeah.”  
 **Me:** “You're very romantic, Imhotep. I love the way you kept holding my hand.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Yeah, that's the way I do it.”  
 **me:** “Imhotep?”  
 **Imhotep:** “What?”  
 **Me:** “Happy Valentine's Day.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Yeah. You, too.” _*runs out of the house with Luba’s ring.*_  
 **Me:** “Can you hand me a towel, Imhotep? Imhotep? Arachnid, help me look.”  
 **Arachnid:** “I just came by.....What are we looking for?”  
 **Me:** “My engagement ring that Imhotep gave to me.”  
 **Arachnid:** “I might not be the best person to help. I've spent the last 10 years looking for an engagement ring.”  
 **Me:** “It couldn't have just disappeared.”  
 **Arachnid:** “I mean You know what they say, "It'll be the last place you look.””  
 **Me:** “Of course it'll be the last place I look because once I find it, I won't have to look for it anymore!!! I'm sorry, I'm just a little.....”  
 **Arachnid:** “Bitchy?”   
**Me:** “Yeah. Sorry. Maybe I'll do the kitchen again.”  
 _*Megatron enters the room.*_  
 **Megatron:** “Saw your car.”  
 **Arachnid:** “l Thought I'd say hi to Luba before our date.”  
 **Megatron:** “Hi, Luba, what are you doing?”  
 **Arachnid:** “She can't find her ring.”  
 **Megatron:** “I don't know anything about it!”  
 **Arachnid:** “Here. Happy Valentine's Day.”  
 **Megatron:** “Thank you sweetheart!”  
 **Arachnid:** “It's a tie. See the pattern? I picked it out just for you. Little Decepticons.”  
 **Megatron:** “I love it! Okay, all right. And here, that's for you.”  
 **Arachnid:** “Oh, Megatron! Look, Luba, Megatron got me something.”  
 **Me:** “Yeah, good for you. If anybody needs me, I'll be in the den pulling up carpeting.” _*I leave the room.*_  
 **Megatron:** “Hope you like it.”  
 **Arachnid:** “Oh, my.”  
 **Megatron:** “Surprise! It's an iguana.”  
 **Arachnid:** “With an iguana, you really don't have to say "surprise!””  
 **Megatron:** “Yeah. Luba told me that green was your favorite color and, you know, the iguanas are the most loyal of all the reptiles, and Check him out.”  
 **Arachnid:** “He's a lovely guy. He's very, very docile.”  
 **Me:** _*I come back into the room.*_ “Did you find my ring?”  
 **Megatron:** “No sorry. Just a lizard.”  
 **Imhotep:** _*Comes into the house.*_ “Honey? Luba?”  
 **Me:** “Imhotep? Hi.” _*is really crying now.*_  
 **Imhotep:** “Here you go.”  
 **Me:** “These are beautiful.”  
 **Imhotep:** “I cried, as well because Roses are twice as much on Valentine's Day.”  
 **Me:** “Listen, Imhotep, I have something to tell you. I've looked everywhere, but I I think I've lost my engagement ring.” _*I hug Imhotep.*_  
 **Imhotep:** “All right, don't worry. I'm sure it will turn up. Did you look in the sofa?”  
 **Me:** “I don't think I'm going to find it. God, I knew this was going to happen one day.”  
 **Imhotep:** “All right. Don't worry.”  
 **Me:** “No, listen, Imhotep. I have a confession to make to you. Right after we got engaged I had the original stone replaced.”  
 **Imhotep:** _*is horrified at what he just heard.*_ “What?”  
 **Me:** “Honey, when you asked me to marry you I was so happy, believe me, but that diamond I mean I knew you got the best stone you could afford, bless your heart, but You know, my parents weren't that crazy about you to begin with, and I didn't want to show them that stone.”  
 **Imhotep:** “I understand.”  
 **Me:** “You know my grandmother? She'd given me her engagement ring years before so I put that stone that was in her ring in your ring that you gave to me. Do you remember how much it was worth? Just ballpark?”  
 **Imhotep:** “Sweetie, it's not important.”  
 **Me:** “How important is it not?”  
 **Imhotep:** “What?”  
 **Me:** “How much was old grandma’s stone worth?”  
 **Imhotep:** “the jeweler said that it cost $15,000.”  
 **Me:** “I could just kill myself, Imhotep!”  
 **Imhotep:** “This could be a murder-suicide.”  
 **Me:** “I gotta keep looking for it.” _*I start looking again.*_  
 **Imhotep:** “Yeah No, stop looking. Listen, we have to be realistic, okay? The ring is gone. All right? Listen. You made a mistake, that's all. Everybody makes a mistake. You know, you're lucky 'cause you're married to a guy who doesn't care about those things. Don't lift that cushion. Stop torturing yourself! It's gone, that's all. Look You know what we both could use right now? Pie. Let's have a little pie with......”  
 **Me:** “Okay, you're right. I gotta stop thinking about it. Maybe it's in the.....” _*Turns around just to find Imhotep holding the now screwed up ring that he had taken to the fake jeweler to have the real 15,000$ diamond that once belonged to Luba’s grandmother replaced with a plastic one.*_ “Oh, my God, you found it!!! Give it to me!!”  
 **Imhotep:** “Oh, God......”  
 **Me:** “Oh, Imhotep!” _*I hug him again.*_  
 **Imhotep:** “Yeah.....What a happy moment now.....”  
 **Me:** “Oh, sweetie, come here!!” _*I tug him towards the couch.*_ “When you first gave me this ring I just knew we were going to be together forever. Keep that in mind. You put it on me, okay? Go on, put it on.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Oh, my God.....” _*Imhotep puts the ring on Luba’s finger.*_  
 **Imhotep:** “There you go.....”  
 _*I inspect the stone closely and soon find out that it is a fake stone. I grow angry.*_  
 **Me:** “What did you do!?!?”  
**Imhotep:** “I meant well.....”  
 **Me:** “You changed the stone in my ring!?!? Where is my grandmother's diamond!?!?!”  
 **Imhotep:** “Just like Grandma. Gone. Forever.”  
 **Me:** “You threw it out!?!?!?”  
 **Imhotep:** “I didn't know that it was a real diamond that cost 15,000$! I thought it was just a piece of junk.”  
 **Me:** “So you knew that the first ring you bought me was a piece of junk?”   
**Imhotep:** “I was trying to get you more for the money, that's all. This is your fault, anyway!”  
 **Me:** “My fault!?!?”  
 **Imhotep:** “That's right! If you had just been honest enough to tell me that you changed it when you first got it I wouldn't have had to steal it from you and do what I did today!!”  
 **Me:** “Well, you're a great thief, Imhotep!! You just threw out $15,000!! Plus whom did you get this stone from?”  
 **Imhotep:** “Lockdown whom you hopefully know about by now.....”   
**me:** “THAT THIEVING CROOK LOCKDOWN!?!?!? HOW DARE YOU!!!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!?!?!” _*I punch Imhotep across the face.*_  
 **Imhotep:** _*Falls to floor.*_ “Because I was trying to fix the whole thing!!!!”  
 **Me:** “Why, after eight years, did you try to fix it now!?!?!”  
 **Imhotep:** “Because I love you!! Why did you change it eight years ago!?!?”  
 **Me:** “Because I love you!!!”  
 _*for the rest of the day they search for the real diamond that Luba’s grandmother gave her.*_   
**Imhotep:** “Can we take a break? My eyes are burning.”  
 **Me:** “Not until we find the real diamond!!”  
 **Imhotep:** “Here's a fake ring finger!”  
 **Me:** _*gives up after looking everywhere around the house.*_ “Ok you slimeball, tell me where the real diamond is!!”  
 **Imhotep:** “I tossed it into the garbage truck as the truck rolled down the road myself thinking that it was the original fake diamond that I had bought for you.....”  
 **Me:** “YOU THIEVING MORONIC SLIMEBALL!!!!!!” _*I knock Imhotep out then go upstairs and cry my head off.*_


End file.
